When is it okay to be selfish?

Hey everyone! So in the hustle and bustle that is my new life after the kids went home, I had a thought:

When is it okay to be selfish? When is it okay to be the asshole? When is it okay to put yourself over everyone else around you?

Here’s the conclusion I’ve come to: if something doesn’t give you happiness or serve a purpose for your journey, then why keep it? You wouldn’t hang on to a loaf of moldy bread right? And why not? Because it’s toxic right? Same should go for your self-happiness. If something is toxic that makes it unhealthy and should be disposed of. Plain and simple.

Now I’m not saying not to help people, what I am saying is if you can’t make yourself happy and feel good, then how are you supposed to do it for anyone else?

Next thing… Learn how to say no! Let me tell you all a story: I try to help everyone I know out whenever they need me. Some of my friends only call when they need something, others are there because they’re there to help me. The one thing I’ve learned about it is as long as you’re straight up about it, no one can fault you for it… And here’s a kicker, they will actually respect you when you say that you really don’t feel like doing something, rather than make some poor excuse and then get caught in it.

Next thing, if you want space… Here’s a thought: say so! When someone be them a friend, a lover, a partner or anything in between, if you’re feeling claustrophobic, say so. We are all creatures of habit. And when that feeling that someone is breaking the routine comes along, you have to nip it in the ass before it makes you flip.

So I dunno. I’m just sitting on a plane going to visit some old friends if mine for a few days, and thought I would share.

That’s all.

Keep it pushin’, no matter what.

So I’m sitting here in a house that I rebuilt with my own two hands and I had an epiphany:

Don’t ever stop… Keep it pushin’ no matter what.

It seems to me that we tend to settle for the mundane and get so stuck in the rat race that we lose sight of the fact that there is better for each and every one of us. No matter where you are in life, whether you’re sitting in low income housing on the struggle or sitting in your penthouse apartment wonder what is out there past the horizon. If you have a dream, follow it. Period. Don’t be these programmed people that simply stay in the ant trail and go back and forth all day everyday and never stop.

As far as the nay sayers go? Let them doubt you… The good news about your aspirations is that they are yours for your reasons. Don’t do it because society tells you to, or because it’s what’s expected of you. I say chase your happiness and catch it. Then, help everyone around you find theirs.

If we keep our eye on the prize and make sure that we all get to taste that “piece of heaven”, maybe there won’t be low-class, middle-class, and high-class… Maybe there could just be human-class!

That’s all.

Striking matches just to watch them burn…

“No sympathy for the devil… Buy the ticket, take the ride.”-JC Wiggington

Seriously, and I’m pretty sure I bought the ticket.

Have you ever just sat and realized that really you have no flippin’ idea where you’re going or how you’re going to get there? That’s kind of where I am this morning. Not that it’s a bad thing really, rather I know that I’m flying by the seat of my pants and don’t have time to think. More and more, I feel like I’m sitting here waiting for the confession box worried about what my penance will be for the sins of my life. Like a kid who knows he’s in trouble, sitting and waiting for his dad to get home. But damn it was fun! Ha!

So what’s the point? I have no idea. Ha ha! All I know is that if I don’t stop, then I don’t have to think. It’s when I stop that all the demons come out and plague my mind. Yeah I act like everything’s groovy, but there are still things about her and my past that bother me. I caught myself thinking about that night the other night… The night that she left me alone in Minneapolis. The night she tried to kiss me, and how I was so angry that I pushed her away. What if? What if I put my own selfish anger aside and actually gave in to what I wanted to do that night. I’m sure that all of this would be different.

But I guess I’ll never know. She’s happy in her new life, or so it would seem… And I act like I am. Or so it would seem. I feel like all I’m doing is still wearing a mask.

No sympathy for the devil… Buy the ticket, take the ride. So strap in, shut up, and hold on. I’m gonna make the best of this. I’m gonna floor it and see where this road takes me…

It’s been an interesting ride to say the least. So far…

So this is life huh?

Well hello everyone. It’s been a while and I’ve made some changes. This isn’t going to be the sappy woe is me post that I’ve been posting. Instead, it’s going to be the shit or get off the pot post. So yeah, here goes:

I’m back home. Not home as I knew it, but back home, where everything started. I came back to AZ, and as I was sitting on the plane that left from the hell of my own choices, I mean PA, I came to a conclusion. I promised myself that I would NEVER let anyone define me again. I would never live a lie again. I would never not do for me before anyone else ever again… And it seems like it’s working so far.

I got off the plane, picked up my hat, dusted myself off and got back in the saddle. I landed a set of wheels two days after I got here, I landed a house that weekend, and I was working three weeks after I got off the plane. I’ve been working on the house, and I’ll have a place for my children to stay when they come see me. So maybe sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to rise back to the top?

You want to know what I believe? I believe that when you’re listening to the universe and what she is telling you, things seem to fall into place. We all have a path, we all have a chance at true and pure happiness. Whether or not we find it really depends on whether or not we see the signs. There’s no arguing the fact that a lot of the hell that I had to endure is a lot of my own doing, but it doesn’t mean that as I’ve said before that we can take those lessons and learn from them to create a better us. That we can’t rise from the ashes like the Phoenix and be more beautiful than ever.

So now that I’m back on the horse, let’s do this!

Back to the drawing board…

So, I’ve sat and racked my brain about where to go now that I know that she’s moved on… So here’s what I’ve learned:

I have not been me for a really long time. I’ve lost myself and it happened a really long time ago. I don’t know where I lost it, and I sure the hell don’t know how I lost it… But I lost it, and I have to get it back.

So where do I go from here? Back to the drawing board I guess. All I know is I have a lot of work cut out for me. I have to start from scratch and realize that I will never be who I used to be… I have to be better. Better in my heart, my mind, and my soul… And I can never let anyone take it from me again. That’s about all I know at this point. I know that most times around here I feel I like a little worm on a big hook. Out of the furnace and into the fire… The story of my life really…

I know that I need to make something of myself for once. I need to find my passion, and I need to run with it. I need to find the real me and stick to it no matter what. I need to show my kids that no matter what this world throws at you, that you can always make something good from it. You need to find the lesson of your actions and make the best effort to not make those mistakes again. What’s the lesson here that I’ve learned? Don’t lie to yourself. To thine own self be true… No matter what. That’s it. Who cares what other people think? Say? Feel about who you are? It doesn’t matter… As long you are happy with who’s staring back at you in the mirror, that’s all that matters.

So even though I’m not going back to the life I had hoped for, I will rise out of the ashes like the phoenix, and I will be the best me that I’ve ever been.

That’s all.

Work Hard, Play Harder.

Hello everyone. I’ve been a busy, busy guy as of lately and figured it’s been too long since my last post. So I have something for you all today that’s on a bit of a lighter note.

This is something we all to tend to forget about throughout our lives. It seems to me that when we become adults, that in order to live, we feel like we don’t get to do anything but run the rat-race, and we forget to make time for ourselves. We all get up in the morning, or whatever time of the day it is that you wake up for that lovely shift that you always look forward to, at the job that you love so much, and it’s run, run, run, work, work, work. Obviously, as an adult, we have responsibilities and obligations that we have to take care of. There’s vehicles to maintain, there’s bills that need to be paid, the kids need clothes, the house needs food… whatever the case may be, there’s always something that needs to be done. So you get up, you shower, you go to work, you do your job, and then you go home… and then you do it all again the next day, as we all should.

But there’s SO much more to life than the rat-race. When you were a child, some may remember it, others might not, when playing was the only thing that mattered? Remember the innocence that we all had before the elements got to us? Remember how everything in the world that you saw throughout the day held some sort of fascination? Remember how everything was magickal? When was it that we lost that? We tend to forget that there’s places that we like to go, things we like to do… you know… the things  that make you feel good! Where did those things go? I think you need to take back that fascination with the world, and then you’ll feel better about the things responsibilities when you have things that make you feel good to fuel what you have to do.

After so many years of having lost that, sooner or later we become this dull, lack-lustered version of ourselves. Then there always comes a time in all of our lives where we wonder where we went wrong, that there’s got to be something more than what we’re doing. After time, you find yourself getting uptight, angry, depressed, and pretty much everything else that you try your hardest not be. It’s because we forget to live, we merely start getting by and surviving.

We all need to live, not just survive.

If you’re feeling inadequate about yourself it’s because you’re not doing anything FOR yourself. When your life becomes more about the almighty dollar than actually taking care of yourself, that’s when you end up becoming nothing but a shell of yourself. At the risk of sounding just a little selfish, you have to look out for number one once in a while. You have to understand that money is going to come and money is going to go, and if you have a good enough job where you actually can stay ahead of the game a little, then please don’t forget to live so you can stockpile money and better your status in a society that really doesn’t care about you anyway. What difference does it make where you are compared to the rest of the world? Shouldn’t it really just be about how you feel about you? This isn’t the medieval times where it was all about status and how much land you had, or how big your kingdom was determined how strong you are, starting from being a stable boy to trying become a knight, or even a king.

As long as get to a point in your life where you can look at everything around you and everyone around you and know that you’re taking care of your responsibilities, and at the same time remember to take care of yourself, then you’re in good shape. It could be as simple as having a few good friends that you can go see once in a while, or going to a shooting range, or popping some popcorn and watching a good movie with someone that loves you… just remember to do whatever it is that you need to everyday to feel good about you. It doesn’t always have to cost you money, but please remember to play harder than you work.

I think I might know what some of you are thinking… “But if play too much, I’ll lose sight of the things that I need to take care of… and I don’t have enough time to do anything fun.” Well, there’s a very fine line between doing too much and not doing enough for yourself, and I’ve found that when you’re doing it best is when you flirt with that fine line all the time. You have to remember to get good sleep. You have to remember throughout your plan that whether it’s going to the bar or whatever it is, you have to remember that once again, you do have things that need to be taken care of, you CANNOT remember to live when you’re trying to make your life.

But also understand, there is a huge difference between living, and surviving. When you’re a working a job that makes you struggle because you don’t make enough, that’s when it’s time to find another place to work that’s better… not working more to compensate. Because if you don’t, then you’ll start living beyond your means, and then that’s when you dig yourself into a hole, and now you have to work harder and play less to get out of it. Whatever it is that you choose to do for work, remember these two things:

1) Do something that you love to do, and be the best that you can be at it. But remember, being the best at it doesn’t mean step on everyone to get to where you want to be, rather take your love for the job and do it for the satisfaction of doing it, advance yourself through your performance and be the best that way. It doesn’t matter if you’re a garbage collector, or an astronaut… do it because you love to do it and it makes you feel good, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. But also don’t be afraid to take on new opportunities as they come along.

2)Work as hard as you possibly can. If you leave your job everyday and you’re not tired from doing it, then you didn’t give enough of yourself to doing what you do. Remember, these people are paying you to be there, the least you could do is give your best, and if you’re sitting there saying that they aren’t paying you enough… then maybe it’s time to seek out that new opportunity.

Having said all of that, you have to play harder too. You have to remember that a lot like a camera, or a radio, or that iPod you listen to day in and day out, the batteries need to be recharged periodically, otherwise like those things, you won’t work either. Whether you’re a hard core gamer, or the Norm (from Cheers if any of you are don’t know who I’m talking about) of your local bar, you need to make time to do whatever it is that recharges your batteries. Everyday. Obviously, remember that we are grown people, so don’t go to bed at 3am when you have to be at work at 6am… remember to be responsible also. But if you’re giving 110% at work, then you need to be giving 160% when you play, and you do whatever it is that you feel you have to do to make it a good day.

Think about this… if you have a crappy day at work, isn’t all the more reason to go take a load off for a couple of hours? Once again, it doesn’t matter how you choose to recharge those batteries, but make sure that you do it everyday. Watch a sunset, watch a sunrise. Try to cook a dish that you’ve never made. Listen to a different kind of music that’s always enticed you. Dance in your living room like no one is watching, and do it for hours! You would be amazed at how if you were to come home pissed off about the day you had and just start dancing like you didn’t care, how long it would take for you to not care. Even if you have kids, they would love to watch to watch Mom or Dad dance like a fool in the living room! It’s pretty cool how kids soak up everything we do and act accordingly. Think about when  you come home cranky from a hard day… don’t they tend to get cranky too? OR if you had a really kick ass day and you come home happy… aren’t they in a better mood for the most part? But chances they join you in almost everything feeling and activity you do around the house.

I’m going to come back to a point that I made earlier. Don’t let anyone tell you what the right way or the wrong way to recharge is. It’s not their choice to make, that just goes back to the not judging others post. But you have to do something for you each and every day, that’s all there is to it.

The point is, if all you do is run the rat-race day in and day out, then you aren’t living. Please remember, that if you have a family, they need you just as much if not more than your job needs you. You have to keep those home fires burning as well. All too many times I hear people talking about “I missed my kids such and such because I had to work late”, when in reality they volunteered to work late because all they live for is the almighty dollar, and didn’t have their priorities in order. I’m guilty of it also sometimes, but we all need to remember that your family needs you too. You have to make time for them, just like you need to make time for you, or your job. It’s very hard to juggle all of this, but if you’re doing it right, it can happen.

We all have those things in our minds that we dream about having or that we would like to do someday… and far too often we go back to that “can’t” word, and tell ourselves that we’ll never be able to do those things, or maybe someday after we retire we’ll be able to do that… why not right now? (Insert the excuses here) Most of us are afraid to follow our dreams because of what society tells us. Or maybe you fear that you would disappoint the old man by doing this instead of that. Scratch what society tells you, because there’s SO much more to life than what money can buy.

Let’s just say that you’re one of those people that likes to help everyone else… okay great! That’s great that you try to genuinely give to others and try to help as much as you can. But how in the world can you make anyone else happy if you don’t know how to make yourself happy? It’s a very simple solution, when you go to work, you have to remember to bust your ass day in and day out. But when it comes to playing… play like your life depended on it, because it does.

The bottom line is that like the saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”, You have to know how to keep yourself from getting burned out… and working hard, and playing harder isn’t as complicated as it sounds.

Live strong, be happy, and fulfill your dreams. Remember to recharge.

“Why does this always happen to me?”

Hey everyone, so after talking to a friend yesterday, it made me think of a new post, so here goes:

“Why does this always happen to me?” Doesn’t this always seem to be what people ask themselves anytime they fall on a struggle of some kind, and the thing is that we as a human species, brought up in the society that we have, always seem to find ways to complain about all of the things that we don’t have or that don’t go our way. But what we tend to forget is that if we change the way we think, we might actually see all of the magick going on around us all the time!

Remember, that we as humans only use about 10% of our brain capacity… imagine a computer that would only use 10% of it’s hard drive… there wouldn’t really be a whole lot going on would there? So having said that, why are you going to let your situation, or things that you are dealing with in your mind, ruin all of the blessing that you do have from day to day?

No one wants to pass away. Even though we all know that it’s a part of life’s big circle… but when you’re sitting there taking your body’s last few breaths, do you want to be the person who has regret for not trying all of the things that you wanted to try on that bucket list? Inhibitions seem to be the biggest obstacle in everybody’s life when it comes to how we deal with day to day life.  It seems to me that it’s mostly the people that are on their way to Summerland that finally get it and decide to let it all go and finally live the way that they’ve always wanted to… why wait that long? By that point isn’t it too late?

I’ve come to believe that things don’t just happen, there are no coincidences in life. For those of you that come from a Christian path, the big saying there is that “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle…”, or, for those of us that come from a Pagan path, it’s “By the Goddess and God, I banish from happening to me anymore…” until the next time it happens. Get that all out of your mind. Instead of sitting there and beating yourself up over every struggle that you have and wondering why you have such bad luck all the time, why not think about the lesson that maybe you should be learning from what’s going on? Instead of saying “Why does this always happen to me?”, try saying “What lesson should I be learning right now?”, because a lot like the textbooks from when we are all in school, the previous lesson always got you ready for the one that followed. Life isn’t so much different. In life, there are lessons that need to be taken in so that you’re better equipped to handle what’s to come in your future.

But we as humans can’t do that. We can’t understand that in every storm cloud that flies over us there’s always a silver lining. In times gone past, I owned my own business for several years. I had a dream, and rather than sit and think to myself that there was no way I could possibly pull it off, I aimed for the Moon and I took a shot. Unfortunately, after several years of struggle, I had to close it down. For whatever the reason, be it the people I was working with, the economy, my own self-doubt, it didn’t work out. Fine.

For some time, it really brought me down. It took so much energy to not be depressed and beat myself up over the fact that I had to give up a dream. But when it comes to your life being a book of many chapters, it’s just one chapter that closed so that another one could open. In  trying to live that particular dream, I had to uproot my family several times, my kids went to different schools every year, constantly trying to find a house I could afford so that I maybe didn’t have to uproot them again. There were struggles, financial problems, and arguements. There were times when food got thin, and things didn’t go quite as I had planned, and all I kept saying to myself is “Why is this happenening to me?”. I spent so much time trying to rationalize the fact that the world must owe me something because of the fact that I did my best from day to day to live a “good life”. I felt like I was doing the right thing, yet the struggle stiil happened whether I like it or not. It hit me one day, that the law of attraction is a powerful thing.

Like will always attract like. Understand that no matter how good your intentions are, whatever it is that your focused on day in and day out will always be what you get.  SO you’re sitting there worried about bills that you can’t pay or a job that you can’t accomplish, and you constantly say to yourself “I’m never going to be able to pay this bill.” “There’s never enough money.” Why don’t you start here: Take control of your life and responsibility for your own actions, realize that it very well could be the choices you’re making , and find what you need to do differently to change your situation.

But keep this in mind, this also means that when it seems like everything in your life is going right, it means that you are doing something right! Take those lessons also. To me life is a big experiment, and a lot like Thomas Edison, you just have to keep experimenting until you find a way to make it work. He told a reporter when he invented the light bulb and the reporter asked him how it felt to finally have an experiment work after a thousand failed attempts, he told them, “I’ve never failed, I just found a thousand other ways that it wouldn’t work.”. Hmmm, you mean to tell me that just because something doesn’t go right doesn’t mean you failed? There’s a revelation! It seems to me that the only we fail in life, is when we stop trying.  You’re going to fall on potholes in your path, but how or where you go from there is purely determined on how you perceive it… and how LONG the bad times last is also up to you and no one else. I’m not trying to say that if you have a positive out look on everything that there will never be any problems, I’m saying that maybe it isn’t as bad as you’re taking it. Once again, maybe there’s a silver lining in every storm cloud.

What if struggles and hard times fall on you simply to make sure that we’re paying attention. Understand that it your choices that determine what’s going to happen to you… YOU are the only person in control of your life, your thoughts, and your choices, and it’s those choices that determine the outcome. We as humans spend far too much time worrying about how we’re going to get to the end result. Even when it comes to having goals in life, a place where you want to end up, remember that the journey there is merely a means.

Let’s say that you can’t pay your bills right now, okay. You find out that the money you have isn’t enough to cover those bills.  You have a few options at this point: You can take what you have and disperse it wisely, and find a way to make it work, or you can wallow in your own self pity and beat yourself up and say “Why does this always happen to me? I’m never going to be able to do this.”, or you can just not pay anything at all and act like the problem isn’t there. So at this point you’re forced to make a choice, and the choice you make is going to determine the end result. Times like this never seem to go away and you’re going to have to deal with this sort of “sink or swim” type of situation in all aspects of your life. What are you going to do?

What are you really solving and what lessons are you receiving by wallowing in self-doubt all the time? It’s not possible to miracle any situation away by doubting your ability to change it. It always starts with you. Period.

Einstein defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result”. So it’s very simple really, do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you’ve always got. Sitting around and believing in the fact that you’ll never be able to change whatever it is that you want to change isn’t going to change anything. All you’re doing is focusing on the idea that you can’t…

Can’t. This has probably got to be the most evil word in our dictionary. It’s spoken in many different languages and it’s just as destructive in all of them. People always try to associate with can’t as an excuse for won’t. Understand, won’t is simply a precursor to everything you won’t change in your life and can’t is the crutch that holds it up. If you sit there and tell yourself, or let somebody tell you that you can’t do something, all you’re really saying is that you WON’T do something because you’re afraid of failure. Get can’t out of your head. Once you realize that there is no can’t, you can do anything that you set your mind to. I personally don’t think that one little four-letter word should have that kind of power over me to determine what I am able to do in life. Once you get can’t and won’t out of your head, you’ll be amazed at how many things open for you when you imprint it in your mind that you can do anything that you focus on and set your mind to.

There’s always going to be some sort of risk. Please remember that. All of the choices that  we make, whether good, bad, or indifferent, are simple there to get to us the end result. Are you really going to let can’t and won’t stop you from getting to where you want to be? Why would you? It’s really very simple,

You’ll find that no matter what the situation, when you look at life proactively, you’ll find yourself asking this question far less and things will start happening the way you want more and more.

Blessed Be!